Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize