i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
