Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
