you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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