sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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