there's paper in my vomit.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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