Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
This house was built for laser tag.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Of course I have a pirate flag
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize