Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
