Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
