If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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