mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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