you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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