I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize