I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
tell me about the fingering
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
