Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
