You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
