There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
