Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm too high and old for this...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
