So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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