I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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