Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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