Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
