He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
