best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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