What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
