i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
