Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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