low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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