If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
