the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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