Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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