Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
