I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
