can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
