You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
4 words: hood of his car
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
