I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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