Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
