beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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