the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
