Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
