a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
