i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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