Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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