508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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