last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
