And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
