We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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