I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
