I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
