I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Holy sore nipples Batman
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
