I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All the doctor said was why
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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