...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
