soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
