if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
