She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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