he wants to bone in the snuggie
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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