I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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