How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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