Soap is not a condiment
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
