Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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