I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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