I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
