I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
