2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
