literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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