Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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