she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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