you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
