ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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