I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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